Selecting the Right Wedding Officiant
by Priscilla A. Munson


Soon after you’ve set your date, chosen the location, settled on your colors and started searching for your perfect dress, invitations, etc., you’ll want to turn your attention to the centerpiece of your wedding day...
The Ceremony and The Person Who Will Marry You.   

Many couples rely on their own pastor, minister, priest, rabbi or a justice of the peace, to do the honors.  

However, if you don't have one, or prefer a non-denominational, inter-faith, spiritual, thematic,
semi-religious or non-religious ceremony -- written to your specifications -- you'll need to hire a
Wedding Officiant to guide the process and legally preside over your vows.

So where do you begin?  With the end in mind!  

Ideally, your ceremony (like every other aspect of your wedding) is the outward expression of your personalities, values, beliefs and traditions, all blended into a ritual that is the ceremonial container
for the celebration of your love.  

Start by asking each other about the ceremonies you remember that really touched you.  Reflect
together on what made them special and why you can still recall them to this day.  Discuss your
religious, ethnic, cultural and/or family wedding traditions.  Brainstorm.  Take a big sheet of paper
and write it all down.  Decide if there will be a theme or main message and about how long your
ceremony will be.  List the key words / phrases you always imagined you’d say to each other at your wedding, or have spoken on your behalf.  Gather up your favorite poems, stories, quotes and songs.  Consider asking a family member or special friend to do a reading or perform music.  And before long,
a style will emerge from all these elements that will be the unique representation of who you two are --
in life and in love.

Next, ask each other about the qualities you want in your wedding officiant, and add them to your list.  Ultimately, their personality, temperament and presentation style should match the vision you have in
mind, because they'll be representing you through their words and presence, setting the tone for your marriage, and the mood of your wedding.  

Some wedding officiants will have a more serious or formal demeanor.  Others will be casual or even add their own special brand of humor to the officiating process.  Most recognize their assignment as a sacred trust.  It’s up to you to know what you are looking for so you’ll recognize them when you find them... on the internet, by referral from your wedding planner or other vendor, from family or friends.

Remember this: Your wedding officiant works for you, not the other way around!  

So take your time.  Interview prospective officiants either in person or over the phone.  Ask them to
describe their ceremonies, how they work with couples, and what their services entail.  Share your
ideas and find out how willing they are to incorporate them.  Explore why they are an officiant, their professional writing & public speaking experience, and views on love and marriage.  Look at photographs and testimonials.  Ask yourselves, above all, if you feel comfortable with this person. You should feel
a strong sense of rapport, confidence, trust, and that you just click.
 
Because, then, after all the meetings, phone calls and emails, when the big day finally arrives and you’re standing there together, you’ll feel like you’ve known each other for a long time, and that they really care about you and your marriage.

In Selecting The Right Wedding Officiant, be sure to allocate a reasonable amount of money in your
budget ($350-550 for a custom ceremony; additional for the rehearsal, travel time and license
coordination).  The most talented ones will be booked several months in advance, so be sure to start
your search early!  

And when you find that perfect person, lock them in right away, so you can relax and enjoy a leisurely planning process in their capable hands.